Moving on.....
(Please remember, I'm trying to work through my journal to get caught up)
Wow, is all I can say. I can't believe what some people said to me. I didn't expect for anyone to react as some did.
First, I'm a member of an online forum. I've been friends with these ladies for so long. These ladies have been through some definite highs (purchasing a new house, birth of 3rd child, holidays) and some pretty low lows (frustration of new house purchase, illnesses, fights, arguments, blah blah blah), but, guess this was an all time low.
I read somewhere, and truly believe it, that when someone has an affair, some friends will stick close by, and others will run, like they're afraid it's going to rub off. Like it's contagious. They said that it was the last thing they would expect from me, that I wasn't the person they thought I was.....so on. Truth is, I don't even know myself. I never felt I was capable of doing anything as horrible as that. Instead of safe guarding my marriage, we chose to promise each other we would never hurt each other. So, we felt immune. Because we made that "promise" it meant, it could never happen. Big fat joke!
I admit, I had issues, we had issues, this wasn't the right way to escape. I was married for 7 years, we started having the "7 year itch" and I used that as an excuse everytime we would fight.
I just pray and hope that everyone I'm close to, will never have to go through that. The guilt that I have suffered through, the pain that I have caused, decisions I have made, the hole in his heart.......the hole in my heart........
I have a hard time trusting myself. I allowed myself to become vulnerable and I knew it. I knew that I was digging my grave. From the first day, it should have ended. I can usually tell who will be my good friend, and who I need to steer clear of the first day of us meeting...truth is......there was some sort of blind spot.
An affair can affect anyone. Just because you are church going, God believing, an everyday praying person, doesn't mean you are immune.
Wow, is all I can say. I can't believe what some people said to me. I didn't expect for anyone to react as some did.
First, I'm a member of an online forum. I've been friends with these ladies for so long. These ladies have been through some definite highs (purchasing a new house, birth of 3rd child, holidays) and some pretty low lows (frustration of new house purchase, illnesses, fights, arguments, blah blah blah), but, guess this was an all time low.
I read somewhere, and truly believe it, that when someone has an affair, some friends will stick close by, and others will run, like they're afraid it's going to rub off. Like it's contagious. They said that it was the last thing they would expect from me, that I wasn't the person they thought I was.....so on. Truth is, I don't even know myself. I never felt I was capable of doing anything as horrible as that. Instead of safe guarding my marriage, we chose to promise each other we would never hurt each other. So, we felt immune. Because we made that "promise" it meant, it could never happen. Big fat joke!
I admit, I had issues, we had issues, this wasn't the right way to escape. I was married for 7 years, we started having the "7 year itch" and I used that as an excuse everytime we would fight.
I just pray and hope that everyone I'm close to, will never have to go through that. The guilt that I have suffered through, the pain that I have caused, decisions I have made, the hole in his heart.......the hole in my heart........
I have a hard time trusting myself. I allowed myself to become vulnerable and I knew it. I knew that I was digging my grave. From the first day, it should have ended. I can usually tell who will be my good friend, and who I need to steer clear of the first day of us meeting...truth is......there was some sort of blind spot.
An affair can affect anyone. Just because you are church going, God believing, an everyday praying person, doesn't mean you are immune.
posted by Tara @ 4:33 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home