I can't believe how life is backfiring on me now....
Everything was going so good. I don't understand. We purchased our timeshare, had an awesome time in Myrtle Beach. We were able to spend time together--we didn't even really fight or argue (or even disagree). I began the girl scout leader for the Daisy's troop. Everything fell into place. I have 13 girls, it's awesome. I'm getting excited.
My Bible Study went okay. I feel a little better about it. This time, the instructor's did what they were supposed to and there wasn't too much going off track. We got our new study in and I know I'm going to have a hard time.
I started talking to Jorge about my study last night, from last week. The Bible Study from last week was learning about God, learning about His characteristics, His power, everything. I was so excited about all I had learned. I knew that He was supposed to be the one comforting me, that I could talk to Him about everything, He could see me, that He would never leave me, even during my most difficult times. I also had to do a study on how He compared to my earthly father and mother. The instructor helped to show me why I was having difficulty relating to God and trusting in Him, how I never had my mom or father behind me, I couldn't turn to them, I couldn't trust them. How was I going to trust someone that I couldn't even see, when I couldn't even trust the ones that I could feel, see, touch, hear......
So anyway, I was telling Jorge all of this (pretty much word for word what I just typed). He starts fidgeting, tapping his foot, starts paying attention to the tv......so on. I asked him what was wrong, I understand that he didn't want to listen to me (even though he agreed to support me). I apologized and got up to lay down. He shut of the light, turned off the tv, then said, "Good night" I was stunned. I couldn't believe it. I was talking about someone and something so beautiful, how I finally felt comforted, I finally felt at peace. I want to become a Godly wife towards my husband.....I didn't understand. I asked him if he didn't feel comfortable with me continuing my Bible Study, he said that he never said that, then turned around and went to sleep.
I was shocked, I didn't know what to think. I was too exhausted to think, so I went to sleep. When I woke up this morning, he got up flinging things around. Throwing on his clothes, he didn't even say a word to me. I pulled him to sit on the bed with me and he wouldn't even look with me. I explained that I wasn't sure what happened, but whatever it was, I was sorry. He then proceeds to tell me, that I don't have an idea how it feels to be compared to somebody. WHAT???? Compared to who? Then it hit me, he thought that by Him, I meant "him" (the other guy). I don't even know what to do or say. I apologized and told him that I would never disrespect him by speaking about "him" again . I am trying to earn back his trust and prove to him that I'm changed and will never make the same mistake, how would I ever do that??
I'm just hurt and confused. I'm ready to give up. Because of me, I can't even talk about God "HIM", without Jorge flipping out.
All because of a misunderstanding. I'm not sure if he was embarrassed or something, but, he didn't say anything, he just walked out the door. I don't know what to do. I'm tired of running from God. I know this is the enemy working, and possibly on the winning side. I'm trying to fight.
Jorge hasn't called me yet. I don't even know if he'll accept the fact that he did misunderstand me. Because of what I did in the past, I know he feels that he would have no fault in this and the whole thing started because of what I did.
I don't know how we're ever going to get past this.
My Bible Study went okay. I feel a little better about it. This time, the instructor's did what they were supposed to and there wasn't too much going off track. We got our new study in and I know I'm going to have a hard time.
I started talking to Jorge about my study last night, from last week. The Bible Study from last week was learning about God, learning about His characteristics, His power, everything. I was so excited about all I had learned. I knew that He was supposed to be the one comforting me, that I could talk to Him about everything, He could see me, that He would never leave me, even during my most difficult times. I also had to do a study on how He compared to my earthly father and mother. The instructor helped to show me why I was having difficulty relating to God and trusting in Him, how I never had my mom or father behind me, I couldn't turn to them, I couldn't trust them. How was I going to trust someone that I couldn't even see, when I couldn't even trust the ones that I could feel, see, touch, hear......
So anyway, I was telling Jorge all of this (pretty much word for word what I just typed). He starts fidgeting, tapping his foot, starts paying attention to the tv......so on. I asked him what was wrong, I understand that he didn't want to listen to me (even though he agreed to support me). I apologized and got up to lay down. He shut of the light, turned off the tv, then said, "Good night" I was stunned. I couldn't believe it. I was talking about someone and something so beautiful, how I finally felt comforted, I finally felt at peace. I want to become a Godly wife towards my husband.....I didn't understand. I asked him if he didn't feel comfortable with me continuing my Bible Study, he said that he never said that, then turned around and went to sleep.
I was shocked, I didn't know what to think. I was too exhausted to think, so I went to sleep. When I woke up this morning, he got up flinging things around. Throwing on his clothes, he didn't even say a word to me. I pulled him to sit on the bed with me and he wouldn't even look with me. I explained that I wasn't sure what happened, but whatever it was, I was sorry. He then proceeds to tell me, that I don't have an idea how it feels to be compared to somebody. WHAT???? Compared to who? Then it hit me, he thought that by Him, I meant "him" (the other guy). I don't even know what to do or say. I apologized and told him that I would never disrespect him by speaking about "him" again . I am trying to earn back his trust and prove to him that I'm changed and will never make the same mistake, how would I ever do that??
I'm just hurt and confused. I'm ready to give up. Because of me, I can't even talk about God "HIM", without Jorge flipping out.
All because of a misunderstanding. I'm not sure if he was embarrassed or something, but, he didn't say anything, he just walked out the door. I don't know what to do. I'm tired of running from God. I know this is the enemy working, and possibly on the winning side. I'm trying to fight.
Jorge hasn't called me yet. I don't even know if he'll accept the fact that he did misunderstand me. Because of what I did in the past, I know he feels that he would have no fault in this and the whole thing started because of what I did.
I don't know how we're ever going to get past this.


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