Secret love letters......
Not really. These are letters that I wrote to Jorge, without giving them to him.....I did read them when all the secrets came out....
10/21/2005
Jorge, I love you so much, that you will never know. How I miss you when y ou're gone. By your actions, it is so hard for me to understand if you're really sad, being away from home. Sometimes you act like, and even admit, that you're stressed about work. Or were too busy to remember to call.
I wish things were different just as much as I love the way we are. If we never fought, and you were always home, I can almost guarantee we wouldn't be where we are today.
We have such a beautiful family and I never want anything to happen to us. But, we don't know what our future holds. Only God does, He knows about every single time I will disrespect and hurt you and when you will hurt me. We can only be sure to love each other, more and more every day.
I know I probably worry too much, that you will cheat on me, but, I'm sure you probably do the same too. Every moment we aren't together, I can't stop you from thinking that, nor can I prove anything to you.
Just know, we made a promise to each other and I continue to keep that promise now.
I have never cheated on you. Never come close to cheating on you. Trust me honey, I seriously do look down. I never want to meet anyone else. I don't care of any possibilities out there. yes we do fight a lot, but, when we don't, things are good.
I love you baby!
10/25/05
Baby-I'm sorry I made you cry. I was taking out my anger and frustration on you. I blamed you for everything. I'm so sorry. I'm just as guilty as I accuse you to be. I konw you are trying your hardest to be a good man and you're doing a great job at it too. I promise. I didn't mean any of the nasty things I said to you. Please forgive me.
You are a great husband and a great father. You are caring and gentle.
I promise you this Jorge, I love you with all my heart.
I'm sorry!
02/2006
It is so hard for me to go back and forth on h ow I'm feeling. Like Cyn said, this happens every three months. Then we make up. For some reason, I don't feel the same way, though it's almost exactly 3 months since my last entry.
I've been feeling this way since we've been back from Mexico. Even though we argued, you were there the whole time, right by my side. Maybe I got too used to you being home, it's not supposed to be that way. I'm supposed to have you here every night. What if something happens to one of us??
As much as I want to run and hug you and apologize, I'm holding back. Enough kissing and making up! Our children mean too much to me to continue this crap. Jorge, we need to grow up and learn to face our problems.
It's different to be a workaholic and not have children. When you have children, there's a certain point you can go to. Before it becomes just wrong. You have admitted you work too hard, too much, and stress a lot. But you haven't changed a thing.
I admit, I am a control freak. It's just in my genes, I was made to be like this. I've done a lot to change. I try and not call you too much. When you want your space, I try my best to give it to you. I try and not ask too many questions. i also know I have a long way to go and I'll probably never be perfect. But, at least I'm trying, look how long I've stuck with you, w hile you've been away.
I have so much love and respect for you, that I will love you til the end of time, no matter what. I don't know if I want space. I don't know if we need time to think things through. I do know if we don't do something fast, things will be ugly.
I know I love you so much, I know it would nearly kill me to lose you. That's why we need to fix our relationship. I think we're neglecting our children by not fixing things.
I'm such an emotional soft person. Anytime you raise your voice, I feel like I break into a million pieces. I can't help but feel like my heart breaks. Literally. You never show me how you feel. You're so hard when we fight. You close up even more. It's so hard to understand how you feel.
10/21/2005
Jorge, I love you so much, that you will never know. How I miss you when y ou're gone. By your actions, it is so hard for me to understand if you're really sad, being away from home. Sometimes you act like, and even admit, that you're stressed about work. Or were too busy to remember to call.
I wish things were different just as much as I love the way we are. If we never fought, and you were always home, I can almost guarantee we wouldn't be where we are today.
We have such a beautiful family and I never want anything to happen to us. But, we don't know what our future holds. Only God does, He knows about every single time I will disrespect and hurt you and when you will hurt me. We can only be sure to love each other, more and more every day.
I know I probably worry too much, that you will cheat on me, but, I'm sure you probably do the same too. Every moment we aren't together, I can't stop you from thinking that, nor can I prove anything to you.
Just know, we made a promise to each other and I continue to keep that promise now.
I have never cheated on you. Never come close to cheating on you. Trust me honey, I seriously do look down. I never want to meet anyone else. I don't care of any possibilities out there. yes we do fight a lot, but, when we don't, things are good.
I love you baby!
10/25/05
Baby-I'm sorry I made you cry. I was taking out my anger and frustration on you. I blamed you for everything. I'm so sorry. I'm just as guilty as I accuse you to be. I konw you are trying your hardest to be a good man and you're doing a great job at it too. I promise. I didn't mean any of the nasty things I said to you. Please forgive me.
You are a great husband and a great father. You are caring and gentle.
I promise you this Jorge, I love you with all my heart.
I'm sorry!
02/2006
It is so hard for me to go back and forth on h ow I'm feeling. Like Cyn said, this happens every three months. Then we make up. For some reason, I don't feel the same way, though it's almost exactly 3 months since my last entry.
I've been feeling this way since we've been back from Mexico. Even though we argued, you were there the whole time, right by my side. Maybe I got too used to you being home, it's not supposed to be that way. I'm supposed to have you here every night. What if something happens to one of us??
As much as I want to run and hug you and apologize, I'm holding back. Enough kissing and making up! Our children mean too much to me to continue this crap. Jorge, we need to grow up and learn to face our problems.
It's different to be a workaholic and not have children. When you have children, there's a certain point you can go to. Before it becomes just wrong. You have admitted you work too hard, too much, and stress a lot. But you haven't changed a thing.
I admit, I am a control freak. It's just in my genes, I was made to be like this. I've done a lot to change. I try and not call you too much. When you want your space, I try my best to give it to you. I try and not ask too many questions. i also know I have a long way to go and I'll probably never be perfect. But, at least I'm trying, look how long I've stuck with you, w hile you've been away.
I have so much love and respect for you, that I will love you til the end of time, no matter what. I don't know if I want space. I don't know if we need time to think things through. I do know if we don't do something fast, things will be ugly.
I know I love you so much, I know it would nearly kill me to lose you. That's why we need to fix our relationship. I think we're neglecting our children by not fixing things.
I'm such an emotional soft person. Anytime you raise your voice, I feel like I break into a million pieces. I can't help but feel like my heart breaks. Literally. You never show me how you feel. You're so hard when we fight. You close up even more. It's so hard to understand how you feel.
posted by Tara @ 2:30 AM
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