I've just about had it...

with life that is. I'm so blue and depressed right now. I feel very weak (physically), it's even hard to just sit here and type. My muscles are twitching, my eyes are droopy, my stomach hurts, I'm dizzy. All of these are pretty much side effects from my antidepressants. I'm back on them. They're totally screwing me up, but something is seriously wrong with me.
Last night, I couldn't even think of one thing. I couldn't concentrate, I guess. I was trying to think and concentrate on just one thing. I couldn't. When I pictured, in my mind, me calling the doctor just to set an appointment, I burst into tears. We're not talking just tears running silently down my cheeks, I'm talking, full out sobbing, body shaking. I couldn't stop crying. Jorge had to practically peel me off the living room floor and force me to take a shower. I just didn't feel the strength to get up. This was after my mom came and said she was going to stay at her house with her husband......
I wasn't even thinking about them, I wasn't thinking of all my issues, I wasn't thinking about money or even housework....that's the deal. I couldn't concentrate. I slept in until 800. That's the time the kids are supposed to be to school. I took them to school and realized that today ws ssupposed to be pj day for Lucy. So, I had to run to the store and buy her a pair so she wouldn't feel left out. The teachers knew something were wrong and kept asking me to go home. I didn't want to.
Nobody realizes how easy it is to let your world around you cave in. Sometimes I feel like my kids deserve better. If i just wasn't here, I'd be better, they'd be better.......life for everybody would be better. Jorge wouldn't have to peel me off the ground, and could instead roll around happily with the kids.
I don't know. I know I'm going back and forth between being okay and just dying. I dont' know how to make it stop. Right now, I just want to go fall asleep. Falling asleep sounds real good right about now.................................