Trouble in our home, part 2
We're moving onto another issue in the same subject, which caused the new post.
For the past few days, the finance issues have been bugging me so much, I think I'm going into a depressed state. I've also been very talkative, but I think it's out of sheer nervousness, or just frustration.
Last night, it hit me......why I've been so depressed. Our financial issues, all pretty much stem from the affair. Hard to believe, huh? While I was making friends at my new job, meeting "him", I started ignoring more important things around the house. I'd talk to "him" until 3, 4, or 5 am, get a few hours of sleep, rush the kids to school, then go to work at the restaurant. I probably could have made a lot more in tips, but I was busy chatting with my newfound friends......."he" only worked weekends.
I started the job in April, which was the first month of our mortgage we missed. I got so wrapped up in working, I never thought twice about it. May rolled around, the friendship started getting more deep. I would drop everything to run up to the restaurant and see him......I'd forget to pay this bill or that bill. May's payment was missed. But it was missed bc Jorge wasn't working as much. Jorge and I started having marital issues, he practically moved out several times, but we'd always end up back together. That was the month things got really heated up; since Jorge and I were having more problems, I'd run to "him".
At the end of the month/June, was the actual "affair" and by "affair, I mean, the sexual encounter. Saying that, actually makes me gag now. It makes me cringe. I hate that thought. Well, June 6th, Jorge packed his crap and loaded his truck and drove to Columbia, not because of the "affair", but bc I decided that I was happier without him and he without me. Jorge came back home that night, but we were still fighting. I wanted to go out and he didn't. I told him I'd think about it and he said he was going to sleep. I ended up going out and hanging out with "him" at that party-which was at a bar. I went back to his house and fell asleep on his couch, but didn't do anything-because I was already feeling guilty. When I left his house at 6am, I went back to my house to find Jorge awake, sitting on the couch. I told him I stayed the night at a "friends" house, but, he didn't know of the affair, yet. We talked and talked and decided to try and make things work. We headed to the beach that weekend, which made us spend even more money. We were trying to patch up our relationship. I wanted to tell him of the affair, but couldn't.
Then I found out I was pregnant. And from that point on, everything changed. Jorge and I stayed that first night together, but in a hotel room-$$$. The next day, Jorge went to Columbia, with all of his stuff. He didn't work most of the day, so $$$000. That night, we talked and talked on the phone, I was in between going back and forth to the doctor to confirm my pregnancy, more $$. When we decided we wanted to be together, he said he would stand behind me and work towards forgiving me, he rushed home that same night.
Jorge has been home every night since that night. He has spent over $500 a week in gas to be coming back and forth every night. There are two reasons he comes home.......one, because I asked him to. We fell apart bc we were never together. 2, because of his trust for me. He knew he could never trust me again and this was the only way it could work. I have come to realize though, he doesn't come home for "us", he comes home bc he wants to make sure of what I'm doing (or not doing). We've gotten into several arguments and he always talks about he can stay in Columbia, but he doesn't. In which he has admitted, he doesn't trust me enough to leave me alone. I mentioned that I had talked to an old friend several weeks ago. That right there, was like a dagger to him. And turned out to be one for me too. He told me that it was our agreement that I could no longer have "male friends". He said that I obviously don't know where friendships end, and have shown that I'm not capable of making smart decisions in friendships with males.....(believe it or not, this happened in early November).
For the past few days, the finance issues have been bugging me so much, I think I'm going into a depressed state. I've also been very talkative, but I think it's out of sheer nervousness, or just frustration.
Last night, it hit me......why I've been so depressed. Our financial issues, all pretty much stem from the affair. Hard to believe, huh? While I was making friends at my new job, meeting "him", I started ignoring more important things around the house. I'd talk to "him" until 3, 4, or 5 am, get a few hours of sleep, rush the kids to school, then go to work at the restaurant. I probably could have made a lot more in tips, but I was busy chatting with my newfound friends......."he" only worked weekends.
I started the job in April, which was the first month of our mortgage we missed. I got so wrapped up in working, I never thought twice about it. May rolled around, the friendship started getting more deep. I would drop everything to run up to the restaurant and see him......I'd forget to pay this bill or that bill. May's payment was missed. But it was missed bc Jorge wasn't working as much. Jorge and I started having marital issues, he practically moved out several times, but we'd always end up back together. That was the month things got really heated up; since Jorge and I were having more problems, I'd run to "him".
At the end of the month/June, was the actual "affair" and by "affair, I mean, the sexual encounter. Saying that, actually makes me gag now. It makes me cringe. I hate that thought. Well, June 6th, Jorge packed his crap and loaded his truck and drove to Columbia, not because of the "affair", but bc I decided that I was happier without him and he without me. Jorge came back home that night, but we were still fighting. I wanted to go out and he didn't. I told him I'd think about it and he said he was going to sleep. I ended up going out and hanging out with "him" at that party-which was at a bar. I went back to his house and fell asleep on his couch, but didn't do anything-because I was already feeling guilty. When I left his house at 6am, I went back to my house to find Jorge awake, sitting on the couch. I told him I stayed the night at a "friends" house, but, he didn't know of the affair, yet. We talked and talked and decided to try and make things work. We headed to the beach that weekend, which made us spend even more money. We were trying to patch up our relationship. I wanted to tell him of the affair, but couldn't.
Then I found out I was pregnant. And from that point on, everything changed. Jorge and I stayed that first night together, but in a hotel room-$$$. The next day, Jorge went to Columbia, with all of his stuff. He didn't work most of the day, so $$$000. That night, we talked and talked on the phone, I was in between going back and forth to the doctor to confirm my pregnancy, more $$. When we decided we wanted to be together, he said he would stand behind me and work towards forgiving me, he rushed home that same night.
Jorge has been home every night since that night. He has spent over $500 a week in gas to be coming back and forth every night. There are two reasons he comes home.......one, because I asked him to. We fell apart bc we were never together. 2, because of his trust for me. He knew he could never trust me again and this was the only way it could work. I have come to realize though, he doesn't come home for "us", he comes home bc he wants to make sure of what I'm doing (or not doing). We've gotten into several arguments and he always talks about he can stay in Columbia, but he doesn't. In which he has admitted, he doesn't trust me enough to leave me alone. I mentioned that I had talked to an old friend several weeks ago. That right there, was like a dagger to him. And turned out to be one for me too. He told me that it was our agreement that I could no longer have "male friends". He said that I obviously don't know where friendships end, and have shown that I'm not capable of making smart decisions in friendships with males.....(believe it or not, this happened in early November).
posted by Tara @ 9:07 AM
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